KRE-8-F-A-T ROX DOOD

Hugh Macleod of The Gaping Void explains why the age of the alpha bean counter is coming to an end. And not a minute too soon. How much were we supposed to take anyway? Groupthink has poisoned us beyond our capacity to bounce back. Ground water, birth defects, corporate welfare, ketchup as a vegetable, it's enough to put you off your feed.

But what if, and I hate this word, but what if the paradigm shifted? What if creativity, individuality, integrity, authenticity, and all those things your better people have been about all along; what if those became the undisputed valued commodities?

There is hope.

From Gaping Void:


Companies that squelch creativity can no longer compete with companies that champion creativity.

Nor can you bully a subordinate into becoming a genius.

Since the modern, scientifically-conceived corporation was invented in the early half of the Twentieth Century, creativity has been sacrificed in favor of forwarding the interests of the "Team Player."

Fair enough. There was more money in doing it that way; that's why they did it.

There's only one problem. Team Players are not very good at creating value on their own. They are not autonomous; they need a team in order to exist.

So now corporations are awash with non-autonomous thinkers.

"I don't know. What do you think?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"

And so on.

Creating an economically viable entity where lack of original thought is handsomely rewarded creates a rich, fertile environment for parasites to breed. And that's exactly what's been happening. So now we have millions upon millions of human tapeworms thriving in the Western World, making love to their Powerpoint presentations, feasting on the creativity of others.

What happens to an ecology, when the parasite level reaches critical mass?

The ecology dies.

If you're creative, if you can think independently, if you can articulate passion, if you can override the fear of being wrong, then your company needs you now more than it ever did. And now your company can no longer afford to pretend that isn't the case.

So dust off your horn and start tooting it. Exactly.

However if you're not paricularly creative, then you're in real trouble. And there's no buzzword or "new paradigm" that can help you. They may not have mentioned this in business school, but... people like watching dinosaurs die.

Bad Words Must Die

"We utilize our core competencies to deliver value-added, client-focused, win-win synergies to leverage a total quality paradigm yackity yadda blah blah blah."

I wrote this about five years ago for a company website where I was creative director. It almost didn't make the cut because of the sacred cows involved. But it flew, the site won awards, and there was holy beef for dinner.

Nice story, isn't it?

Much of what passes for business writing falls into that godawful category of corporate-speak. Much ado for not much. The fact is, if more people wrote like they speak, more people would be better writers. Heaven help you if you actually talk like that.

Lingo is only appropriate when a regular word won't work. For instance, "fungible" is a lawyer word. It means a commodity, something innately replaceable, without individual characteristics. That's a good word. Three syllables pack a wallop.

But unless it passes that acid test, it's pretentious and needlessly difficult, even if your audience speaks lingonese. No one sounds smarter because of it. A fussy style will never make up for substance.

That said, I will fall on my sword for a rich vocabulary and colorful language. There's beauty in that.

For instance, a word I heard for the first time a few months ago is "bespoke." As in Savile Row bespoke suits. Prince Charles wears bespoke suits. There are bespoke tailors. It's a wonderful word. It's poetic. As if quality could speak its name. Bespoke. That meets the acid test. It is the perfect word for tailor-made.

It's human to love language. Everyone loves a catchy phrase. Witness your more interesting country music lyrics. There's a twist. Don't it make your brown eyes blue? That works. Doesn't it make your dominant ocular genetics sink into clinical depression? That doesn't.

The right words are like a breath of ozone, washing away the cobwebs and increasing visibility.

George Bernard Shaw

Most mission statements are meaningless bits of corporate-speak.

George Bernard Shaw didn't call this brilliant bit of writing a mission statement, but it is. We spend so much energy searching for happiness. Mr. Shaw knew where it was:

This is the true joy in life . . . being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one . . . being a force of nature instead of a feverish little cloud of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy . . . . I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I life, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It's a sort of splendid torch which I've got to hold up for a moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it to future generations.

Tromp l'oeil sidewalks

This is incredible.

Malaysian Woman Breastfeeds Tiger Cubs

breastfedcubs, originally uploaded by Jill.y.

Awwww. If this warms your cockles, one must wonder at your cockles.

Rumi, the Sufi mystical poet, wrote of spiritual joy enrapturing women and filling them to bursting, so much so that they invited neighborhood puppies to nurse. I thought that was a metaphor, made profound by its ridiculosity (It's my blog and I'll make up words if I want to).

But I ask you. Does this woman look filled with exuberant joy? Or does she look rather put upon and weary from nursing her own child and kittens as well? Good night.

High Fashion Scrubbing Pad Headwear

Phillip Treacle Brillo Hat, originally uploaded by Jill.y.

Clever Marketing Ploy.


How much do you suppose the Brillo company paid Phillip Treacle to feature their product so prominently on one of his haute couture hats? Phillip Treacle is much-loved by the upper crust in England for his flights of fancy that perch atop one's skull. In fact, he designed Camilla's chapeau for her recent wedding to that wacky chap Chas.

As an ugly American who recently visited Britain, I noted how uniformly conservative most people dressed. Albeit, we were in rural Yorkshire for the most part, but even in York, you didn't see as much personal expression as is fairly common here, even in the Midwest.

That said, explain to me these fantasmagoric hats Englishwomen are so fond of? They are independent of gravity, reminding one of a flock of seaguls taking flight as they are chased by a pack of rabid sheepdogs.

Does it make you want to scrub pots with your head? Me too.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

I did say this site was going to be about advertising and marketing, writing, etc. This falls under the writing category, but not the advertising and marketing variety. This is a very high brow sports article from one of the better collections of literary essays I've seen in oh, at least three to six months. They may make a Norton Anthology of it one of these days.

From: "Lisa"
Subject: Hi Dr.!

Hi, I am medical and I am wondering why the stomach secretes acid. Can you help?

My dear Lisa,

I am sorry to report that stomachs do not secrete acid, rather they secret (no "e") it. Stomachs are very shy, and they secret away many, many things. Explore the hidden folds and cul de sacs of any stomach, and you'll be surprised at what it's been hiding from you. Acid, yes, but also tinfoil balls and shopping lists, romantic candles and remote controls.

I suggest you try typing more carefully next time. And check your teeth ... what is that, a poppyseed?

With insurmountable fondness,
Doris

As reported in Haggis-On-Whey. I kid you not.

Introducing Cambium Creative

Weird name, isn't it? When Jonathan and I decided to do this thing together, we thought up all kinds of names, and shot them all down. We're a marketing/advertising/pr/etc. company, and cambium is that thin layer of cells between the bark and wood that creates new growth. Aha, we thought. That's our business, growing things: sales, awareness, better things for everyone. So there. That's Cambium Creative in a nutshell. More to come.