From: "Lisa"
Subject: Hi Dr.!

Hi, I am medical and I am wondering why the stomach secretes acid. Can you help?

My dear Lisa,

I am sorry to report that stomachs do not secrete acid, rather they secret (no "e") it. Stomachs are very shy, and they secret away many, many things. Explore the hidden folds and cul de sacs of any stomach, and you'll be surprised at what it's been hiding from you. Acid, yes, but also tinfoil balls and shopping lists, romantic candles and remote controls.

I suggest you try typing more carefully next time. And check your teeth ... what is that, a poppyseed?

With insurmountable fondness,
Doris

As reported in Haggis-On-Whey. I kid you not.