Attack of the 50 ft. PR woman

Attack of the 50 ft. PR woman, originally uploaded by Jill.y.

Time for a bit of illustration.

More on Corporate Blogging

I ran across a white paper full of good advice about business blogging. click here for the PDF file. This is a subject that is not going to go away. Via Jeneane Sessum at Allied, a great blog to spend time with. She got it from Content Factor, her employer, as it turns out. Think maybe she wrote it? She's certainly got the stripes.

Blogs Will Change Your Business

This article on Business Week's website is a comprehensive look at blogs and their potential to impact business in powerful ways. For instance,

. . . 40 new [blogs are created] every day that could be talking about your business, engaging your employees, or leaking those merger discussions you thought were hush-hush.

Give the paranoids their due. The overwhelming majority of the information the world spews out every day is digital -- photos from camera phones, PowerPoint presentations, government filings, billions and billions of e-mails, even digital phone messages. With a couple of clicks, every one of these items can be broadcast into the blogosphere by anyone with an Internet hookup -- or even a cell phone. If it's scandalous, a poisonous e-mail from a CEO, for example, or torture pictures from a prison camp, others link to it in a flash. And here's the killer: Blog posts linger on the Web forever.

Yet not all the news is scary. Ideas circulate as fast as scandal. Potential customers are out there, sniffing around for deals and partners. While you may be putting it off, you can bet that your competitors are exploring ways to harvest new ideas from blogs, sprinkle ads into them, and yes, find out what you and other competitors are up to.

This is a must-read for anyone doubting the impact and importance of the blogosphere on business.

Addicted to Learning

One of my favorite sites is Creating Passionate Users. There are several contributors, but Kathy Sierra is particularly insightful and inspiring. Her latest post, is all about the fun of mastering something new.

Remember, learning is like a drug to the brain (actually, it is a drug). The best user experiences--combined with a clear path to greater expertise and the promise of more time in flow--are like a healthier, happier form of crack.

She reminded me why I love what I do so much. As a writer, I am constantly learning. Doing this within the discipline of strategic thinking and creative execution adds another dimension that keeps my work constantly challenging.

As a college student, I was addicted to learning. A good liberal arts education prepares you for a lifetime of learning because it trains you to make connections (the core skill behind the conceptual process). For me, it really was a "healthier, happier form of crack."

Becoming a writer was a natural extension of the academic experience. I can lose myself in researching and integrating vast amounts of new information. The work of interpreting that knowledge into effective, engaging communication is often pure joy for me.

If, as Hugh MacLeod says, creativity is when work and play are the same thing, then combining creativity with the total immersion of mastering new information has to be the most rewarding way to make a living.

Hello to Bello

Anyone with a computer is faced with the delightful task of choosing fonts for word processing, correspondence and the like. Those of us in the creative business understand the importance of typography to effective communication as well as aesthetics.

For instance, have you ever noticed that many direct mail letters use a typewriter font despite the fact that letters haven't been typewritten in ages? It's because through years of testing, direct marketers know that the Courier font has an authority quotient that's entirely independent of the content. Font choice can be driven by much more than good looks alone.

That said, Bello is good looking. Bello is a heavy looking new script font created by a European type foundry named Underware that recently won a best new ''display font'' award from the Type Directors Club. As the name suggests, display fonts look best when used in headlines rather than body copy.

Reminiscent of the lettering in old hand-painted signs, Bello has a fun retro look that takes full advantage of its digital origins. Unlike the old days, when fonts were created on metal plates, digital fonts have advantages that actually make them closer in look to calligraphy. The New York Times explains:

One tricky thing about script fonts is that in actual handwriting, the form of one letter might be affected by the letter next to it. Interestingly, Bello uses a digital format called OpenType, which, among other things, makes just such adjustments. As you type the word ''Bello,'' for example, the second ''l'' looks different from the first. Helmling suggests this may be exactly what people find attractive about Bello and other script fonts. It's not just the appeal of ''handwritten flavor,'' as he puts it, in a digital age. It's the way that technology allows users to harness those comforting imperfections perfectly.

Anxious to see what all the fuss is about? Until it gets archived, you can read the The New York Times Magazine article about Bello here.

Cliches, Weasel Words and Management-Speak

Newsweek has an online exclusive, "Attack of the Weasel Words," a review of Death Sentences: How Clichés, Weasel Words and Management-Speak are Strangling Public Language, by Australian author, Don Watson.

As a writer, one of my jobs is to scour any document until it is entirely free of what Watson calls weasel words. I think the people who use this jargon believe they're sounding smart. The fact is, they're sounding unintelligible and needlessly obtuse. An example from Watsons book is a fine example"

Just as the skill and processes are not compartmentalized in the creation process, the evaluation of outcomes will occur against a background of understanding that separation of outcomes into discrete components is subordinate to the evaluation of the total process as a comprehensive outcome.”

Is there anyone on the planet who knows what that paragraph means? If someone does, they need not call me, but should consider calling the nearest linquistic therapist for an urgent appointment.

CBS Blog

CBS may have missed the cable bandwagon, but they're making sure they catch the blog train.

[CBS announces] . . . "Public Eye," a new blog that will create a candid and robust dialogue between CBS News journalists and the public -- a move unprecedented among CBS's peers in broadcast and cable television journalism. "Public Eye" will be edited by veteran reporter and media writer Vaughn Ververs, most recently editor of The Hotline, a daily Web briefing on politics published by the National Journal. Ververs will serve as the conduit between the public and CBS News to take viewers and users inside the news gathering, production and decision-making process via the use of original video and outtakes, interviews with correspondents and producers, and input from independent experts, among other methods. "Public Eye" will debut by late summer.

Looks like a great way to start a conversation. How long before the others follow suit?

Language is a virus

Language is a virus is a new way to play with words that's clean fun for the whole family.

My bad

From yesterday's post:

But what if a company's truth isn't their best story? There are some famous failures in the headlines lately whose truth, let's just say, didn't so much set them free as set them up.

Robert Scoble or Shel Israel (I'm not sure which) left a comment pointing out that it sounds like I'm recommending a well-crafted lie if the truth doesn't make you look so hot. Well. Hot damn. Sure does look that way, doesn't it. Is it too late to take it back? Honest, that's not what I meant to say.

Here's what I meant to say, which unfortunately, stayed locked in my head in my urgency to get a belated post published. Companies like Adelphia and Enron were the quintessential truth-isn't-their-best-story companies. Their truth set them free, alright. Free to go to a fiery afterlife. But that was only after the truth was finally pried from their cold and greedy, wizened claws. Their truth brought down entire corporations and countless innocents along with them. Their dishonesty was so deep that no blog was going to cure what ailed them.

It was a throw-off line that could have been a marvelous opportunity to discuss the importance of telling the truth especially when it's not pretty. An opportunity I'll take now because blogging is the ideal vehicle for proactively (I just hate that word, but it works here) dealing with problems in a disarmingly public way by owning up to your company's shortcomings in front of God and everybody.

This is counter-intuitive to old-style business models. In fact, one of the traditional functions of pr is to make bad things go away with minimum damage.

But cast your mind into the misty future to contemplate a world where a company screws up and says so on its tell-the-truth blog. How much more would you trust that company than one who avoids confronting mistakes until forced to, or responds with a traditional public relations damage control campaign?

Don't you kind of like them already?

The truth. What a radical idea.

Thanks, Robert or Shel at Naked Conversations. You saved me from myself and gave me a story to tell on myself . . . thankfully before anyone could tell it on me.

Blog or die?

Cover your eyes if you don't want to read yet another post about how the world of advertising is changing once and evermore.

The world of advertising is changing once and evermore. Buying up acres of print or hours of airtime isn't your ticket to the top anymore. Print and broadcast will still have their place, but they're not the finish line anymore.

More and more companies are clued in to this and are launching blogs because they are simply the smartest way to reach the folks who might buy what you have to offer. If the content is compelling, if the tone is individual, if there's a willingness to tell the truth, blogging is the easiest, cheapest way to develop a relationship with the folks who are, or who might become, your customers.

Robert Scoble and Shel Israel over at Naked Conversations, a seminal blog about "how blogs are changing the way businesses talk with customers," don't mince words. Blog or Die. They got some flack for using hyperbole and in the version I've linked to, they've qualified that statement, but not by much.

In a nutshell:

I believe, blogging will fundamentally change communications from what it is today to something less controlled and more credible. It has already begun to do so, at a phenomenal rate, and at a time when many industries are dealing with broken business models. For example, traditional publishing--newspapers, magazines and books are all dealing with issues of reduced profitability. Blogging didn't break their models--the Internet contributed by fragmenting news distribution and by siphoning off ad revenues. . . .

(snip)

. . . businesses who ignore blogging will go the way of the blacksmith who ignored the automobile. A century ago, some blacksmiths reinvented themselves to become auto dealers. Others started promoting horseback riding as recreation sports, founded boarding stables or pioneered early race tracks. Others just kept on doing what they were doing and slowly, steadily, and in the end, silently died.

This will be a hard transition for a lot of companies to make because they're accustomed to 100 percent control. Blogging isn't about control. It's about having faith that the truth is the best story you have to tell.

But what if a company's truth isn't their best story? There are some famous failures in the headlines lately whose truth, let's just say, didn't so much set them free as set them up. Blogging can tell your truth, make a company human, engage in conversation, invite feedback, do everything a press release does, but with a human voice.

It's planning season for a lot of industries. Ahem.

business speak, again.

5 Business Email cliches I'm sick of Posted by condour at 09:33 PM April 10, 2005

1. let's touch base

   What's the metaphor here? You might think baseball, but let's face it: in baseball two people who touch the same base at the same time are generally on opposing teams. If you were going to use an baseball metaphor, it'd be "go out to the mound." But this raises the uncomfortable question of which party is manager and which is the pitcher. (hint: if you're talking to someone who you can fire, you're not the pitcher)

   Maybe it's from cricket.
   
   

2. And we'll go from there

   This means nothing. It's essentially saying, "I don't want to think any farther ahead than Tuesday in this email, but I want you to think I have a plan hidden up my sleeve." Nixon probably used this construction in Telexes to the Joint chiefs of staff between 1969 and 1973.

3. I just wanted to...

   Weak construction that has no business being in the past tense. Do you no longer want to? Why just? This construction is appropriate if you have to tell Blofeld you let James Bond escape. When you're writing to Ted from accounts receivable, it's toadying.
   

4. If you could... that would be great

   This little gem, made famous from Office Space, goes one step beyond "I just wanted to" and uses the subjunctive. Which reduces your order or request to a Disney heroine's wistful introductory musical number. If I could find Prince Charming, maybe I could escape the cruel clutches of my stepmother. If you could attach the excel document from the March budgeting meeting, you wouldn't be a moron. The rest of the universe would look the same.

5. Going Forward

   First, let me say that I don't object to this because of the spatial metaphor. I just don't like the fact that the spatial metaphor assumes we're all going in the same direction. Sort of like the word "Enterprise." It's a goddamn business, not a spaceship.

   "From now on" works fine, saves a syllable.

Forehead goes for $15,000 on e-bay.

I've been preaching about the ongoing decline of old school advertising. I've been on my pulpit calling for repentence followed by an innovative "born again" marketing and advertising paradigm. The old ways aren't working like they used to, which presents a wonderful opportunity for innovative thinkers to help redefine the business.

But lawdy, lawdy, say this ain't it.

A woman in Utah has been tattoed with name of a casino tattooed smack dab in the middle of her forehead in return for $15,000 to send her son to a private school. Apparently his grades were slipping in public school and Karolyne Smith offered her forehead on e-bay to be used as a walking billboard.

Crass commercialism has reached a new low. You must give her credit though. This is innnovative thinking. It strikes me as wrong, but I can't pinl down why it's so wrong.

• It was her idea.
  
• She was certainly being selfless.
  
• The casino bought the space fair and square.
  
• Her son will be able to attend a private school for at least one year.
  
  
  
  
  

It's ironic that just a few years ago, NPR's All Things Considered aired an April Fool's prank about a young man who had a logo tattooed somewhere prominently. It was a brilliant piece of social satire that at the time struck me as patently absurd..

We live in strange times.

Spam Blogging Comes Into Its Own

The friendly folks over at The Republic of Geektronica point out an interesting phenomena: the spam blog.

Blogspot, which hosts this blog, is 100% free to anyone, and spammers have learned they can play. A real live human has to set up the blog, but after that, a computer can automatically create and post links (usually for pharmaceuticals, p0rn and casino sites), that game the Google ranking system by artificially creating "linked-to" spidering data.

Google's algorithm is based on how many times a site is linked to. The more links, the higher the Google rank, ergo, the more blogs with links to some annoying purveyor, the more business likely to come their way. What's more, Geektronica says you usually can't even tell it's a phony blog until you try to leave a comment.

It's easy enough to cruise Blogspot by clicking "Next Blog" in the upper right hand corner of any Blogspot blog (including this one). It's a completely random internet experience that will take you places you'd never otherwise discover, including, apparently, drugs, dirty pictures and online gambling. It takes surfing to another level altogether.

Pretty clever, doncha think?

In Honor of Independence Day

Blogging will be light over the holiday weekend. I will be contemplating the suchness of freedom, the honor of citizenship and the practical application of community stewardship in third millennium America.

I will also be celebrating my June bugs' birthdays (Jack is 14 and Ellen, 20) with barbecued pork steaks, manna-from-heaven baked beans and Aunt Lucy's Poppy Seed Cake.

To honor this most patriotic of holidays (although Memorial Day gives me goosebumps), here is a link to a collection of firework package artwork.

Like a lot of commercial art, this is a genre that has gone underappreciated for much too long. Artists have to eat, too, and have been lending their talent to commercial endeavors without many kudos. Appreciate away thanks to a heads up via BoingBoing.

Have a great holiday everyone.

Twinsumers

Trendwatching is onto something with enormous implications for marketing folks. It's what they call the "Twinsumer."

More and more, people aren't listening to traditional advertising because, frankly, they don't have to. They can get better info from people just like themselves. That's the key. People just like themselves.

In a nutshell:

. . . customers increasingly rely on purchasing advice from fellow consumers they don't personally know, yet who are eerily likeminded. It's yet another nail in the coffin of traditional marketing, if not an opportunity for forward thinking marketers.

It's yet another affirmation of the whole Clue Train-Hughtrain phenomenon.

What does a forward thinking marketer do? Find new ways to engage in conversations with real people. Be really, really good. The twinsumer phenomena will spot a phony a mile off.

The old approaches are still part of the mix, but the ground has shifted.

Stop Selling, Start Telling

I don't ever want to "sell" another thing as long as I live. Haven't we all been sold too much?

The hideously effective science of low-down, cyncial manipulation of human frailty is not quite dead yet. I was reading an article written by a direct response copywriter (whose anonymity I will protect out of hope for his future redemption), who claims that award-winning advertising does not, categorically, net results; that ads written by traditional ad agencies are generally untested and no one knows if they really work or not. He prefaced his comments with admiration for National Enquirer's winning combination of outrageous headlines and appeal to the lowest common denominator.

It's a common kind of reverse snobbery among direct marketing creatives that goes something like this: sure, the fancy big-agency creatives get the glory, dress in Prada, get the shiny awards and the attention, but what we do works and we can prove it. Like any of your better conceits, there's some truth to it. But there's more to the story.

Awards don't need to be bad for sales. I've worked at agencies, large and small, writing award-winning ads that worked brilliantly (with proven sales figures behind the claim). Others were just award-winning, maybe not so brilliant. I've also worked for dedicated direct marketing agencies, where every emotional thrum was calculated to its most minutely measured nuance. I've also managed to do award-winning, measurably-effective DM work of which I'm proud. Some of it? Not so proud.

A fairly well-kept secret among many traditional ad agencies and their clients is that what gets created "just feels right" to both parties with little empirical evidence for its efficacy. On the other hand, too much traditional direct marketing is unconcerned with delight, cleverness, wit, or anything that distracts from the sales pitch. I sound like I'm arguing against success, but stick with me. I'm arguing against cynical manipulation without regard to the greater good. I'm arguing against hard-sell arm twisting that preys on the vulnerabilities of the aged, poor, or gullible to sell a not-so-good product. Don't sell me because you can. Tell me how my life can be better.

It's wrong to know what works and know what's right and not have a match. With any God-given gift, it is up to each individual to use it wisely, and kindly. That leaves a big playing field with lots of fine choices to be made.

Cynical exploitation is being outed more often because there is much less hiding to be done. Electronica gets the truth out at record speed these days and any nastiness will inevitably seep through even the most carefully crafted p.r. job.

The real question is this. What stories do I want to spend my life telling? Who is making life better? Who works harder and better and with joy? Who truly cares? Whose passion shines through?

My passion is not to sell, but to tell passionate stories worthy of the breath and ink and life I put into them. Passionate commitment to the greater good doesn't involve "selling." It involves meaningful communication, telling stories, having conversations, and bringing something better to greater attention. Pandering manipulation in butt fugly. I'm looking forward to the day when the smarmy sensationalism of tabloid headlines is replaced with invitingly clear stories, told with wit, charm and spirit.

Read Clue Train. Read HughTrain. They represent some fairly insistent evidence of intelligent life within advertising and marketing. It's a hopeful time to be in the business. It had to happen, though. Some of the best, most creative people I've ever known are in some aspect of marketing. Life can only beat a good person down for so long before their innate goodness pushes back with a new way to think about things.

Good reasons not to blog

The people over at Red Couch have thought a lot about the ins and outs of blogging for business. They have some timely wisdom on why a company should choose not to blog. Among them,

• Blogs will fail in cultures that have a public-be-damned attitude, such as has been demonstrated by senior officials at all too many companies. The list is longer than the usually mentioned gangs at Tyco, WorldCom, Enron, Adelphia and their wily consultants.
• Cheesy companies, with cheesy products and disdain or contempt for their customers should not blog.
• Companies who disdain or mistreat their employees, such as diamond miners, rubber plantation owners or “employers” who tether children to workbenches.
• Companies who intend to victimize customers and supporters, such as fraudulent charities, Ponsi and pyramid schemers as well as con artists should not blog.
• Outfits whose stock in trade is secrecy.

It's an interesting article on many levels. By giving blogging its due as just another vehicle for communication, Red Couch is on the blog bandwagon. If your business can stand the light of day, blogging is as useful as the press release--maybe even moreso.

Steve Jobs

I talk a lot about passion. I just plain love it. Passion has driven all of the great successes of my life.

Steve Jobs recently gave a commencement address at Stanford in which he spoke of finding what you love. That's passion. It's a remarkable read I highly recommend.

We've all heard that everything happens for a reason, even our biggest failures and heartbreaks. Jobs talks about that, too. Here's a man who got fired from his own company and has come to realize it was a blessing.

Click through. It's really worth the read.

It's what you say, and how you say it.

Mary Engel of Strong Copywritingpointed out a great UK Guardian article about the wisdom of clever and playful writing in engaging customers. Too often, fear eliminates the very thing that would make marketing sing--and deliver spectacular results.

Ever wondered why there's so much awful advertising? That's why. Fear. Fear is the enemy of good things, pretty much across the board.

Finally, Empirical Wisdom Behind Conversational Writing

I've been finding Hugh MacLeod endlessly fascinating. Reading his blog is quite an education in the way the world is going. Today, I was reading January's archive and came across this little nugget of wisdom. The point is one I've made repeatedly, but the reasoning behind it is new to me, but eminently sensible.

Interesting stuff from Kathy at Headrush. Her day job includes writing books on brain behavior:

When you lecture or write using conversational language, your user's brain thinks it's in a REAL conversation!

In other words, if you use conversational language, the listener/reader's brain still thinks it has to hold up its end, so it pays more attention. It really is that simple, and that powerful (at least if you really want to help users pay attention and remember your message).

and

If you're using formal language in a lecture, learning book (or marketing message, for that matter), you're worrying about how people perceive YOU. If you're thinking only about the USERS, on the other hand, you're probably using more conversational language.

Which is why most marketingspeak is so utterly dreadful. Technically, it's trying to sell you something. Non-technically, it's telling you to go #@%& yourself.

There it is: scientific justification for having a human voice when telling stories about companies. This is a scary thing to so many and I've never really understood why. One of life's persistent questions.

More from Kathy from Headrush. This girl has got it going on.

If you want to create passionate users, spend time around passionate users.

Even better, spend time around others who are also trying to inspire passion in others. There's plenty of brain research that explains why you should surround yourself with passionate, energetic people and stay away from the, "This job would be great if it weren't for the frickin' USERS" people. If you want to be more creative, spend time around more creative people. Better problem solving? Spend time with those who spend more time looking for solutions than complaining about problems.

Tom and Katie, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, &tc.

Just trying to build traffic, folks.

Blogvertising

Hugh MacLeod has begun an interesting conversation on what he calls "blogvertising," which is what he calls his day job.

For blogs to be a successful marketing tool, they have to maintain a unique and engaging personal voice, honesty and enthusiasm. In a blog, a fake is easy to spot. For blogvertising to work, a marriage of kindred spirits would be essential. A writer without real affection for a company's corporate culture, industry and product wouldn't be able to sustain authentic enthusiasm over the long haul a blog represents.

I think I've just established a new criterion for new business focus. Could I blog for them?

Don't Pardon My French

I do enjoy a good bad word. Profanity, spoken with discretion, is a valuable addition to a well-rounded vocabulary.

Of course, cursing can be a substitute for a good vocabulary. We've all heard cretins with potty mouths. That's not what I'm talking about. These words lose their power if overused.

But in the hands of a master, cussing enhances language. For instance, a good tirade benefits from a bit of punchy profanity. And don't get me started on expletives! They can be so satisfying. And never underestimate the shock value of an unexpected vulgarity. The shock can elicit a laugh or pack a visceral emotional punch.

Before we had children, my husband used to string the most famous four together into a compound cuss word. Children will cramp ones vocabulary because no one likes to hear bad words from the mouths of babes, but in the hands of a responsible adult, the right bad word can be the best choice for accurate expression, which is language's function to begin with.

There is only one four-letter word I will not use, nor tolerate in my presence. It's a displeasure I share with every woman I know. It's a nasty word, with no redeeming social value, derogatory to women, serving no useful purpose. It's a verbal crime on the order of a racial slur.

All our words are built from the same 26 letters, so what makes some vulgar and others not? Virtually every "bad" word has an acceptable synonym, so it's not the concept that's taboo, but the word itself.

It's the victors who write history. They also define language. In the English language, this happened in 1066, when William the Conqueror crossed the English Channel and forever changed the course of world affairs.

Bob Parsons explains:

It really started when the early French invaded Britain.
In 1066, the Normans (a "more civilized" people who resided in Normandy – which is now France), led by William the Conqueror, invaded Saxony (which is now England). On October 14, 1066, the Saxons were defeated by the Normans at the battle of Hastings and the Normans eventually took control of the entire country.

It was no longer cool to speak Saxon.
The Saxons were considered by the Normans to be a vulgar, crude and uncouth people. As a result, speaking Saxon eventually became looked down upon, and in some cases was even deemed illegal. The Saxon terms for basic human functions and sexual acts were considered especially inappropriate and remain that way to this very day.

Bob notes that the Japanese, having never been conquered, don't have bad words. On the one hand, I think that's nice. In theory, all words should have equal opportunities. So while it's a nice idea, I wouldn't want to speak there.

I like my words to color outside the lines on occasion.

Save PBS and NPR! Not an Urban Legend!

For the love of all that is wholesome and pure, write your senators and urge them to save public broadcasting.

It's too late to tell your representatives--the bill has already passed the House--but there's time still to save the best programming anytime, anywhere. The brightest spot in all of media is threatened. Just say no.

More David Sedaris

Asked to change seats on an airplane, David Sedaris politely declines because he hates, I mean, he really hates the bulkhead seat. The woman who must be separated from her husband for the entire 90 minute flight is mightily insulted. She doesn't consider for a moment that David doesn't know what to do with his legs without a seat in front of him. If you've ever not known what to do with your legs, you can understand the quandary this request presented.

The woman with painted white toenails calls him a very impolite name. No, it was a very rude name. Being a naturally polite person, David doesn't respond in kind. He vents his frustration in the "across" and "down" of Saturday's New York Times crossword puzzle and contemplates how best to avenge himself.

It’s always so satisfying when you can twist someone’s hatred into guilt—make them realize that they were wrong, too quick to judge, too unwilling to look beyond their own petty concerns. The problem is that it works both ways. I’d taken this woman as the type who arrives late at a movie, then asks me to move behind the tallest person in the theatre so that she and her husband can sit together. Everyone has to suffer just because she’s sleeping with someone. But what if I was wrong? I pictured her in a dimly lit room, trembling before a portfolio of glowing X-rays. “I give you two weeks at the most,” the doctor says. “Why don’t you get your toenails done, buy yourself a nice pair of cutoffs, and spend some quality time with your husband. I hear the beaches of North Carolina are pretty nice this time of year.”

I looked at her then, and thought, No. If she’d had so much as a stomach ache, she would have mentioned it. Or would she? I kept telling myself that I was within my rights, but I knew it wasn’t working when I turned back to my puzzle and started listing the various reasons I was not an asshole

Forty across: “I give money to p—”

Forty-six down: “—ublic radio.”

See what a good person he is? He actually considers this woman may be terminally ill and not merely terminally rude. For Pete's sake, he gives to public radio, which I like in a guy.

A projectile lozenge incident proves what a hard worker karma is. David won't get to witness the sticky consequences, but as it says in the good book, "'Revenge is mine,' saith the Lord."

Sedaris, once again, delivers the goods in another fine New Yorker essay. Read the rest here.

Don't suck and get people to pay you for stuff.

How many trees have died for the cause of explaining how to succeed in business? Whole mountains of clear cut Ponderosa Pine no doubt. But it's all been boiled down to haiku by Paul Graham during an address to the Harvard Computer Society:

"I can think of several heuristics for generating ideas for startups, but most reduce to this: look at something people are trying to do, and figure out how to do it in a way that doesn't suck."

And there's more:

"And what I discovered was that business was no great mystery. It's not something like physics or medicine that requires extensive study. You just try to get people to pay you for stuff."

via Michael Pollack.

Remember, do business in a way that doesn't suck and try to get people to pay you for stuff.

The Pareto Law

The Pareto Law is one many know about. It's the notion that 20 percent of any given group accounts for 80 percent of the activity. This law has enormous implications for successful marketing. The key is to identify your 20 percent and proceed to court and spark.

Too much marketing is aimed at the masses, but think of the economies and efficacy of appealing to your Pareto 20. If you plumb that group for its characteristics, then you have a good idea who your most receptive target audience is. Once you know who you're talking to, you have a much better idea what to say.

It's a simply elegant marketing approach that works because it's based on a basic truth of human nature.

Daily Dancer

Need a bit of pure, unadulterated exuberance? Some unabashed joy? Spend a few minutes with Daily Dancer. He's got a gift, a vision, and a digital camcorder.

Success Rules--Bob Parsons

Bob Parsons has lost more money than most people ever make. He's also a serial entrepreneur with a net worth greater than the entire treasury of some countries, I'm sure. (Also notice he blogs--there really is something to this). When asked to speak at a business breakfast about what advice he would give someone just starting a business, he gave it some quality thought and developed the following list of rules by which he lives and succeeds. They are both concrete and philosophical, as encouraging as they are challenging.

Here are the 16 rules I try to live by:

1. Get and stay out of your comfort zone. I believe that not much happens of any significance when we're in our comfort zone. I hear people say, "But I'm concerned about security." My response to that is simple: "Security is for cadavers."

2. Never give up. Almost nothing works the first time it's attempted. Just because what you're doing does not seem to be working, doesn't mean it won't work. It just means that it might not work the way you're doing it. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you wouldn't have an opportunity.

3. When you're ready to quit, you're closer than you think. There's an old Chinese saying that I just love, and I believe it is so true. It goes like this: "The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed."

4. With regard to whatever worries you, not only accept the worst thing that could happen, but make it a point to quantify what the worst thing could be. Very seldom will the worst consequence be anywhere near as bad as a cloud of "undefined consequences." My father would tell me early on, when I was struggling and losing my shirt trying to get Parsons Technology going, "Well, Robert, if it doesn't work, they can't eat you."

5. Focus on what you want to have happen. Remember that old saying, "As you think, so shall you be."

6. Take things a day at a time. No matter how difficult your situation is, you can get through it if you don't look too far into the future, and focus on the present moment. You can get through anything one day at a time.

7. Always be moving forward. Never stop investing. Never stop improving. Never stop doing something new. The moment you stop improving your organization, it starts to die. Make it your goal to be better each and every day, in some small way. Remember the Japanese concept of Kaizen. Small daily improvements eventually result in huge advantages.

8. Be quick to decide. Remember what the Union Civil War general, Tecumseh Sherman said: "A good plan violently executed today is far and away better than a perfect plan tomorrow."

9. Measure everything of significance. I swear this is true. Anything that is measured and watched, improves.

10. Anything that is not managed will deteriorate. If you want to uncover problems you don't know about, take a few moments and look closely at the areas you haven't examined for a while. I guarantee you problems will be there.

11. Pay attention to your competitors, but pay more attention to what you're doing. When you look at your competitors, remember that everything looks perfect at a distance. Even the planet Earth, if you get far enough into space, looks like a peaceful place.

12. Never let anybody push you around. In our society, with our laws and even playing field, you have just as much right to what you're doing as anyone else, provided that what you're doing is legal.

13. Never expect life to be fair. Life isn't fair. You make your own breaks. You'll be doing good if the only meaning fair has to you, is something that you pay when you get on a bus (i.e., fare).

14. Solve your own problems. You'll find that by coming up with your own solutions, you'll develop a competitive edge. Masura Ibuka, the co-founder of SONY, said it best: "You never succeed in technology, business, or anything by following the others." There's also an old Asian saying that I remind myself of frequently. It goes like this: "A wise man keeps his own counsel."

15. Don't take yourself too seriously. Lighten up. Often, at least half of what we accomplish is due to luck. None of us are in control as much as we like to think we are.

16. There's always a reason to smile. Find it. After all, you're really lucky just to be alive. Life is short. More and more, I agree with my little brother. He always reminds me: "We're not here for a long time; we're here for a good time."

The preceding excerpt is included with the permission of Bob Parsons (http://www.bobparsons.com) and is Copyright 2005 by Bob Parsons. All rights reserved.

50 Top Words of 2005

When you write for a living like I do, you had better like your words. I pay close attention to the latest breaking world word news.

Beyond that, this blog can help me fulfill a civic duty by keeping you, my loyal reader, up to date on the latest linquistic developments. To wit, let me introduce you to Cambridge Dictionaries Online's faithfully updated list of the 50 Top Words of 2005. These 50 words are the most often requested online during the year, the list constantly changing to reflect our dynamic language.

Number one is "advice." Imagine the legions of people confused about the difference between advice and advise? Advise is what you do, advice is what you give. One little letter can make a big difference, which I suspect is at the root of this word's popularity.

Number two is "liase." As in liason. Now I like to liase as well as the next person, but frankly, I'm a bit surprised at its popularity. I don't think I've ever heard that word in casual conversation. Then again, I've noticed an odd phenomenon. Once I've run into an unusual or new word, I begin to see and hear it everywhere. This recently happened to me with the word "bespoke." I'd never heard it before six months ago, and now I see it everywhere.

Number three is "effect." I'm glad to see people concerning themselves with this little word. There's an enormous difference between "effect" and "affect" that is too often the victim of confusion, an effect which affects too many.

Let me advise you with this bit of bespoke advice: liase as often as necessary with Cambridge and the like until its effect has affected you. (I'm so sorry, I put my tongue in my cheek and I can't get it out.)